Weighty matters

This week I have been really struggling with body image issues. I look longingly in my closet at all my pre-pregnancy clothes and wish I could wear something besides elastic waistbands and maternity clothes. I look at my body and all the unseemly floppiness and bulges and loose skin and it's hard to really praise God for the fact that one month ago I gave birth to my beautiful baby girl- a miracle. With all my eating disorder issues I struggled to overcome and allowed God to take I am trying to maintain a healthy attitude this time around. So these are some of the things I now say in lieu of the self-defeating thoughts I used to beat myself up with:

-Instead of "My arms are humongeous and look like a gorillas" I now say "Thank God for my strong arms to carry my new baby and my sweet three year old"

-Instead of "My ginormous cellulite-dimpled behind can't fit into my regular bloated day jeans" I now say "Thank God for my hips that expanded and allowed me to give birth, and the fat reserves God has allowed me to store for keeping my baby fed and warm during pregnancy and now for nursing"

-Instead of "Gross look at this nasty muffin top" I now say "Wow what a miracle my stomach expanded to hold my growing infant and now provides a soft cushion for Annaliese to lay on when I hold her"

-Instead of crying when I still can't fit my buttoned tops because of my burgeoning nursing bosom and crying when I still can't fit my regular bottoms, and crying when the scale has not budged after weighing myself for the fifth time today and 100th time this week I will not run out to buy spanx or the tightest girdle. I will remember the miracle that God grew in my body for 9 1/2 months. I will thank God for the clothes that do fit (even if they are still maternity clothes and elastic waist bands).

I know alot of my new thoughts are stretching it. At least I'm trying to praise God for this body He has blessed me with. Like I told Craig, I have finally realized that just like our A/C that broke this week our bodies will also break down. Our body will continue to decay (lovely thought right?) and that is why when Jesus takes us up in the sky and we are transformed in a twinkling of an eye we will not recognize our new bodies. They will not sag, have cellulite, have diseases, or missing parts. We will be perfect just as our Father in heaven. Now that's something I can look forward too! And maybe that's enough to keep me from beating up on this body I have now.