Look at this sweet face! Today after dealing with the stress of DFCS admitting they made numerous mistakes on our account and incorrectly closing it I was making lunch with Annaliese in one arm and then lost my patience with Trinity. She wasn't doing anything wrong she was just really slow as I barked out orders for her to help me with getting lunch on the table. I mean she slowly poured the milk in the cups and slowly stirred the chocolate syrup into her brother's cup while I got aggravated that I had already poured water for Craig and I, made four separate lunches all while holding little bit in my arms. I know that's not that big of a deal but as I asked her to get the bouncy seat for Annaliese I lost it. She was staring at me as I tried with my foot to get the kickstand out from under the seat. Usually I do this by myself no problem but today (after being awake since 3am and finding out we won't have food stamps for several weeks) I yelled at her. I felt like such an idiot and a horrible mother. Then I got aggravated (and told her) that everytime I was making a meal, changing a diaper, or cleaning she wants to give me a hug. I told her I can't hug her at those times because I am so busy. Right after that came out of my mouth I wished I could take it back. I started to cry...I felt like I had just whipped my little girl with my dagger-like words. I apologized for losing my temper and told her not to change about the hugs because she is doing just what God wants...showing love which is way more important than any junk I have to do. I can only pray that my little girl isn't scarred for life from my words that took less than a minute to spit out. It's so humbling when my children have to teach me a lesson in compassion and about God's love. I'm such an idiot!
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